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March 06, 2006
Black GLBTqZine
Posted at March 6, 2006 11:34 AM in Gay & Lesbian Issues .
I have now created a new site called Black GLBTqZine. It is interesting how the site came about, in fact, it’s pretty amusing.
I started out trying to create a personal blog for myself. I installed two blogging systems on my server – Movable Type and WordPress. The point of doing this is more about learning software – I have this geeky way about me that is constantly looking to learn new things, particularly anything that has to do with printing and publishing. It is the reason why I have installed, on my computer, Quark, Adobe InDesign, Adobe PageMaker, Adobe FrameMaker and that horrible little program, Microsoft Publisher.
I have available to me other blogging and/or content development software I can install on my server to play with as well. Some of those are open source meaning I can work with different template styles or themes to do what I do best, improve upon them to make them better.
The redesigned FemmeNoir was based on a design by Theron Perlin at Thought Mechanics. I took an earlier design of his – developed under WordPress – and conformed it for use with Microsoft’s Frontpage. I made it work, however, not as well as I would have liked it to work. The CSS, for whatever reason, would not pick up the header graphic I was using and as such, I found myself having to add that graphic to every single page on the site – a big waste of time and energy to say the least.
I fast became frustrated with Frontpage when I found myself spending what seemed like endless hours creating pages before I could actually add text and, upon adding the text, because the design was built for use with WordPress, I had other problems as well. Again, another big waste of time.
I abandoned FemmeNoir because the design of the site was cumbersome at best and again, to be honest, I am a fish out of water when it comes to the GLBT community, the OUT GLBT community. Jasmyne Cannick was always good about sending me information to post to the site, as was Terry Howcott and when I asked Herndon Davis to submit to the site, he graciously sent a number of articles for use. I am also grateful to Stephanie Adam’s for her contribution to the site. She was always early, sometimes she sent three months of horoscopes and other content for the site. What a champ.
However, beyond those four, much of what many saw on FemmeNoir was me doing a lot of research to come up with content. So, imagine spending several hours just to create pages for content, then the hours spent doing research, and when it was all said and done, it is not uncommon or me to have spent anywhere from 18 to 34 hours to do the basics. Sitting in one spot for that many hours is not only tiring, it is grating on the nerves. It makes you ask the question “why am I doing this and for what purpose?”
Since I did not get a lot of feedback – at least an artist showing work in a gallery gets some feedback – I never knew what was useful. I did, however, get an earful – or eyeful, since it was via email – of complaints. People thought the site had become “too political” and wanted to see “new people” or hear “new voices.” When the Millions More fiasco came about, I received numerous and negative emails about some of the contributors to the site. I was even labeled a member of “that group” – whatever that means – when in fact, I do not subscribe to any one group of anything. I never have and I never will. When I told people of this, I received more argument about being “fair and balanced” and how I should cover “both sides.” Because I don’t know anyone, I cannot cover “sides” I know nothing about and since the naysayers were not interested in contributing – more interested in being angry with me – what else could I do?
Basically, I had a snoot full. The site was cumbersome, I got no love – or very little love – and I didn’t hear a lot of good things. As such, sprit falls and the attention span shortens. I lost interest in FemmeNoir.
A friend, last week, made an interesting statement. Because I was embroiled in another bit of drama – drama I will reserve for a later post – I did not hear her until Friday, when I realized she had said something very important. I asked her again to repeat her words and she was very specific. She said she did not like the “new FemmeNoir” because it had become “too political.” However, she liked the “old FemmeNoir” because of the articles. She loved “Falling for Straight Women,” “World View,” “Fear of a Black Lesbian Planet,” "Lesbian Lovers," the focus on books by lesbians and “In Our Own Words.” She didn’t care anything for marriage equality – though it made “interesting reading” and she didn’t care for who was doing what in the Black church. In essence, she loved the Leaders & Legends, the personal reflections, the education, but not the politics.
On Sunday, I received a phone call from another friend of mine who wondered what happened to FemmeNoir. This 60 plus-year old woman actually upgraded her computer and went broadband to “watch the videos.” I asked her why and her comedic response was “there ain’t nothing on TV about Black lesbians, what the hell?”
So, back to a funny thing happened while on the road to designing a personal site for myself. I stumbled, again, upon a design by Theron Perlin and James Carppe. At first, I didn’t like it because I thought I could not be as creative with it as I thought. But, I kept going back to it. I started playing and discovered I could make it work. Then, I started playing with the code. Now, the basic Squible design is there, however, I’ve changed the colors – which is within the base design – changed some of the items around, and voila, a perfect news site and yeah, this time it is not about lesbians of color, it is about the Black GLBT community – including men. Including the guys made me feel a little better about doing this.
Now, this story has a straight element to it too. In fact, I probably should entitle this “two lesbians and a straight guy.” A very good friend of mine – yeah, some of my best friends are straight and male – asked me about James Baldwin. He wanted to know why he wasn’t a Leader/Legend. His words were something to the effect that we can’t talk about gay anything without including James Baldwin. My friend, a Black Nationalist, is very fond of that “Cleo Manago Dude” because of an article I had linked to my personal site. He said he thought that “brother had balls” to do what he did. That garnered much respect.
The “straight guy” element to this story is very important because we got respect from him because we earned it though our achievements. I cannot stress that enough. If you want respect, you must not only give it, you must earn it. Thus, a site like this is necessary. I don’t believe it is the be all, end all, but I do believe it should be as diverse as possible, as inclusive as possible, and be reflective of ALL aspects of our community. And yes, I will write more because my voice is a little different.
With that, I have worked to get ALL of the old articles back up, including some of my commentaries. I am working to get all of the Leaders/Legends back up and it will include the brothers. Since I am working in WordPress, the conversion over from one to the other is easy and quick. It took an hour or so to import them and, sans the few I had a problem with, it went like clockwork. I don’t have to make pages, the software creates them and I’m off to other things. It’s fabulous! If I should have the notion or "wild hair" to change the design, everything will go over with the new design. I won’t have to play around with anything in an attempt to make it work.
This makes my life much easier and hey, I might even get a chance to get out more as a result. It was a horrible feeling to think about going out to get a story, with video, only to be faced with the time it took to write the article, post pictures, create the page or pages, and edit a video – which takes a crapload of time. It’s daunting and when things are daunting, I’m prone to say “screw it.”
There is something else as well. I was interested in joining the board of an organization. I won’t say what organization because that is not important. What is important was the agony I soon experienced after committing to serve. I knew, by doing this, I would lose my autonomy. That was one of the most agonizing experiences of my life. A friend even started calling me, daily, to say “hello, remember, you need to maintain your autonomy, that’s all I have to say, goodbye.” It was a joke, but I felt it. I cannot be a part of any one thing. I must always remain objective. I do not want to be influenced by one group or another. I must always remain objective. Or, better put, I want to always have the option of speaking my mind – good or bad – on whatever subject I desire to speak on.
Initially, I thought it would be a good idea because it would allow me to meet more people and get out more. However, it didn't take long for spirit to step in and put a foot up my butt. I couldn’t do it and fortunately, the thing fell through. Thank God! I would have been committed to doing the right thing, however, I know I would have been miserable. Everything happens for a reason and sometimes the best answered prayers are the ones that go unanswered.
In essence, I cannot join in anything. I cannot be a part of one thing. I am – as a friend of mine often says – a “big picture girl.” I see the new world order whose motto is “order out of chaos, divide and conquer.” This does not diminish what others are doing, it is simply I see something else and since I do see something else – popular, unpopular, like it or lump it – I can write about it.
So, GLBTqZine is up and over the next few days – vacations are glorious – everything that was ever on FemmeNoir will now reside on the new webzine – that is, if I can find it all. Unfortunately, the one thing that happened I had no control over was the dates in which everything came over. Some of the old articles came over in a hodge podge of dates that were not the original dates. Oh well, I’ll worry about that later. I did catch one though, the one commentary Christine wrote about Pat Parker. I changed it from 2003 to 2001. Geez, what a woman if she had actually accomplished that.
So, no, I’m not going back to trying to belong or fit in, I’ve
learned my lesson and I can’t. As Mary J. Blige says, “hate it or love
it” I don’t care. There's something to be said about being your own woman and owning yourself, I so love and need that.