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June 11, 2006
Love Amid Controversy
Posted at June 11, 2006 03:45 PM in Marriage Equality , News .
Photo right: Despite initial misgivings about marriage, Atlanta resident Fiona Zedde (right) says there’s simply something about LaTania McKenzie that makes her want to say ‘I Do’ to a lifelong relationship.
Atlanta couples wed despite anti-gay marriage fight
By RYAN LEE (Southern Voice Online)
Friday, June 09, 2006
Ria Pell didn’t let her relative unfamiliarity with marriage stop her from proposing to her partner in storybook style.
“I think marriage is probably pretty foreign to a lot of gays and lesbians,” says Pell, a longtime Atlanta resident and restaurant owner. “But if anybody deserves some recognition for getting as far as they did, it’s gays because it’s really difficult to have a long-term relationship in such tense times.”
During an extended trip through Europe last spring, Pell flew her girlfriend Kiki Carr to Paris, where Pell planned to present Carr with the handmade engagement ring she had carried around for weeks. The splendor and romance of the French city filled Pell with nervous energy, making every street corner or sidewalk café seem like the perfect spot to pop the question.
Finally, once the couple reached the top of the Eiffel Tower, Pell asked Carr to marry her, and Carr accepted. In a testament to how picturesque Pell’s marital courtship of Carr was, actor Tom Cruise grabbed headlines by pulling off the exact same stunt when proposing to Katie Holmes two months later.
But after the engagement, they broke with tradition/To have a ceremony infused with individuality was their mission / And when the wedding was over, the happy couple knew it had been bitchin’.
WEDDING VOWS WRITTEN IN the language of Dr. Seuss were but one of the unique elements Pell and Carr incorporated into their May 7 wedding. Characters from the legendary children’s books, reflected in several of Pell’s tattoos, also inspired the couple’s bright, six-layer, irregularly shaped wedding cake.
Neither Pell nor Carr initially considered herself the marrying type, until they saw that they and other gay and lesbian couples were denied the legal benefits of marriage as well as the excuse weddings provide to partake in an all-out party and meaningful fellowship with family and friends.
Witnessing what she considers a lot of “loveless” wedding ceremonies, Carr says she and Pell were committed to making their commitment ceremony one of a kind.
“It’s really important for it to be about who you are, and not just some stale ceremony,” Carr says. “We couldn’t have done it in a church because that wouldn’t have been either of our personality.”
Instead of a cathedral or chapel, Pell and Carr exchanged their rhyming vows before about 300 guests at Oakland Cemetery near downtown Atlanta, across the street from Pell’s Ria’s Bluebird Restaurant.
Pell sported a black tuxedo, a pair of Italian square-toe shoes from Junkman’s Daughter in Little Five Points, and a homemade fuchsia bowtie to match Carr’s fuchsia-dyed wedding dress.
The ceremony also featured several local bands, and was officiated by a 6-foot-something giant wearing a kilt.
“I wanted to make it so very special for everybody involved so that it would be something that would stick out in their memory for a long time,” Pell says.
Having both of their families attend a same-sex wedding was rewarding, but Carr says it was refreshing for the couple to navigate their own way through uncharted territory when planning the ceremony.
“We’re really lucky because I know a lot of straight folks who are getting married, and as soon as their moms find out, they kind of swoop in and there’s all these pressures and expectations,” Carr says.
CARR AND PELL’S REBELLIOUS nature helped inspire their decision to marry, despite living in a time when everyone from President Bush to Georgia Gov. Sonny Perdue is rebuking same-sex unions. But despite the hostile rhetoric accompanying efforts to amend the state and federal constitutions to forbid same-sex marriage, an increasing number of gay and lesbian couples are cementing their bonds with formal ceremonies.
“So many members of the gay community are always aware of what the big political picture is, and aware of their own lives, and one doesn’t stop the other from occurring,” says Kathryn Hamm, a lesbian wedding planner who has operated gayweddings.com since 2000.
“The more gay marriage comes up in the news, more and more people are feeling that they have permission to do this,” Hamm says. “And one of the benefits we have is that we don’t have any rules, so we really are able to start from scratch.”
At the First Metropolitan Community Church of Atlanta, Rev. Paul Graetz says lesbian couples are more likely than gay male ones to go through the ritual of marriage or public commitment. Still, he agrees that same-sex couples have boundless choices when it comes to what kind of service to have.
“There’s those who really love the traditional wedding, and they really want that — they want their mother’s wedding,” says Graetz, who adds that other couples yearn for unique rituals or settings, such as atop Stone Mountain or in Piedmont Park.
Whichever type of service a couple holds, Graetz perceives every same-sex marriage as “acts of justice.”
“Having a commitment ceremony is one of the most enlightening and most teaching moments in terms of the gay rights movement,” Graetz says. “I’ve had so many mothers and fathers come to me, amazed, and say, ‘This is really about love.’”
Instead of threatening marriage as some critics claim, gay and lesbian weddings actually strengthen families and bring authenticity to the institution, Hamm says.
“Same-sex ceremonies really are transformative for everyone who attends,” Hamm says. “People, both those who are getting married and guests, really bring themselves to the ceremony, and the rituals aren’t just rituals.”
WHEN CARLOS OLIVIERA FIRST proposed to Jamie Doster last November, the gay couple originally planned on a small ceremony in Atlanta. But hoping to make a “public statement” during society’s heated debate about same-sex marriage, the couple now plans “a full-fledged wedding” in Boston on June 24.
“Initially, I thought that gay marriage was a discussion for other folks, but we’re pleased our wedding plans have sort of progressed amidst this discussion,” Doster says. “It’s being talked about more and more, and we want to make it a public statement, in addition to making it an enjoyable evening for everyone.”
The Roman Catholic Oliviera and Southern Baptist Doster aim for a fairly traditional wedding aboard a private yacht, with a Unitarian Universalist Church minister presiding over the ceremony. Both are wearing tuxes and weaving a few prayers into the service, but Doster says the couple is also determined to making the moment uniquely queer.
“The minister’s going to ask my family members do they give us their blessing, and they’re going to say they do,” Doster says. “Then the minister’s going to do the same thing with Carlos’ family.”
It was important to the couple for their marriage to be legally recognized in Oliviera’s home state of Massachusetts, but they still have to secure legal documents such as powers-of-attorney and wills before they return to Atlanta for good in the fall.
“It’d be nice to already have that in place with our marriage, so it will be a little bittersweet to leave Boston, but we’d already decided to live in Atlanta,” Doster says.
ATLANTA AUTHOR FIONA ZEDDE is preparing to wed LaTania McKenzie in a somewhat traditional fashion on June 13, though the way Zedde proposed was anything but customary.
“I proposed to her in a moving car on the way to the mall — and she’ll never forgive me,” jokes Zedde, who was actually behind the wheel admiring her partner’s beauty when she popped the question.
Getting married was never on the forefront of Zedde’s mind before she met McKenzie at a Queer Girl party two years ago. Even now, Zedde struggles to define how she reached the point of settling into a lifelong commitment.
“It’s just her,” Zedde says of McKenzie.
The couple plans to exchange vows in an intimate garden ceremony, with McKenzie wearing white slacks and a blue long-sleeve shirt, and Zedde decked out in a long summer dress and sandals. The pair originally considered going to Boston to wed, but opted for a more low-key affair with about 20 friends and family members, Zedde says.
“We like being legal — legal is good — but it’s really about our relationship to each other, and the state recognition is nice, but secondary,” Zedde says. “The thing that makes it sad sometimes are the people out there that don’t want us to have the same rights as everyone else.
“We’re not freakish,” she continues. “It just all seems so pointless, like why can’t you carry on with your own life and stop trying to oppress us?”
Source: Southern Voice Online
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