Yeah, I have a friend who really wants me to get into this Reiki thing. She also would like me to entertain Yoga exercises as well. For healthy folk, it’s easy to think about getting up, jumping over here and there, and driving near and far for ways to new and improve yourself. For me, it takes a lot of energy just to think about it.

My daily do consists of getting out of bed first. That takes a lot of my energy. My mind can think of all sorts of things to do but my body won’t go along with the activity. My day actually starts the night before, like last night, when I try, and try and try all sorts of mind relaxation techniques just to get some sleep while hoping I will sleep for more than two or four hours, which is my average. I can certainly understand MJ feeling the need for propofol. Unfortunately, prednisone makes you hyper and it messes with your sleep. You can’t just drop the mess because your body will fall into the gutter, throw you an ounce or two of extreme pain — Demerol or Vicodin season — and next, here comes extreme depression — Xanax time. You don’t mess with Mr. Prednisone.

All of this means a good deal of my time is spent trying to sleep, getting my poor body out of bed, dragging it up to let the dogs out — thank God for dogs — getting my act together for the day, remember what pills to take, what I’ve taken, did I miss anything? I also must remember to eat otherwise I will find myself eating what’s available which usually ain’t good. I have to make time in my day to prepare a proper meal, if I remember. I must also remember to drink plenty of water. You see, my days are spent trying to remember and if I’m not trying to remember, I’m trying to keep myself well rested or sufficiently propped up for the day.

Going out to get my Reiki on or taking a yoga class adds more to my day. Quite frankly, it takes me a couple of hours to think about fixing to go get my lab work done. With that, for my late 50 plus friend who can jump out of bed rejuvenated, healthy, no worries in the world and no aches or pains, understanding what I need and what I can do escapes her. “Mind over matter” she says. Well, perhaps so but I ain’t there yet.

Basically, I have been avoiding her like one would avoid a plague. Actually, just talking to her wears me out.  She believes Reiki will help me with my “autoimmune problem” — her words — and will assist me with relaxation, which will help me get a good night’s sleep.  She believes the stresses I placed on myself over the years combined with the grief suffered from loss, all contributed to my having “low life force energy.” She went on to add the toxins from chemotherapy and the associated side-effects would be eased with Reiki.  I do not discount what she is saying, I am just finding it difficult right now to raise the energy level to get myself going.

I did do a brief search and found one person in Pasadena who does Reiki.  Perhaps I’ll check her out later or join a group session.  Unfortunately, my friend lives in New York and I cannot go with her and most of my friends don’t get the “New Age stuff”.

Thankfully, since my last and very final chemo treatment, I’m feeling pretty good and perhaps, maybe in the near future, I will be ready for such healthy pursuits. I mean, I’ll try it but, right now, I’m trying to keep it slow and easy. I have not received the result of my most recent labs but, hopefully, all is well with the kids.

I did discover something interesting. I started eating a lot of squishy veggies. Squishy as in squash, spinach, mashed potatoes — within reason — etc. I also discovered the most delicious Honeycrsip apples which I’ve been eating like there’s no tomorrow. I don’t know why this is but the food has been making me feel good. Everything works like clockwork when I eat like this which makes me think the body is loving the food. In fact, since Thanksgiving, I’ve been hung up on turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes, and colorful veggies. It’s comfort food.

The Hair, The Hair

Oh the once very bald head — well, in certain places — is beginning to fill in though I find it interesting to see the hair coming in nice and thick on one side and not the other. The IV Cytoxan seems to have caused hair loss around the crown of my head. In the back, my hair is growing in nice and thick. I feel like an old balding man.

Now, as it has been with prior chemo treatments, I’ll probably lose some hair in the coming days. It seems to stick around for a while, hang in there through a treatment and then a little comes out two weeks after the treatment.

The good news this time around with the IV Cytoxan, I am not having the intense bone pain I had five years ago when I started on oral Cytoxan. The last two months were rough on me then and the pain was unending.

As for the hair, I’ve decided to continue with my wigs — the grey ones — until my hair comes in fully. I’ll leave the timing for my head to decide. Unfortunately, with the other wigs I have, I am having a hard time giving those away. I initially thought it would be easy to give them to the American Cancer Society for their free wig giveaway program. Alas, not such an easy task. They are all nicely packaged away and ready to go but it appears I will have to do more research before I can hand them off. Pooh. Well, everything happens for a reason and perhaps there is a better plan out there.

Well, then again, I just might wig out one last time for a photo shoot of myself and the wigs. Oh dear, let’s just say if I have the time and the energy for such a thing I’ll do it because I think it might be pretty entertaining.

With that, I think I’ll go crawl over in the bed and stare at the ceiling, praying a nap takes me over for more than an hour or two. If not, I’ll go out and do something and hopefully the stores will not close before I can finally get myself together to get out of the house. Reiki? Oh geez no, not for a long, long while.