I will admit, prior to my diagnosis I ran from pillar to post staying busy. I would listen to my body only when I found myself in an acute situation. Prior to that there were pills (typically ibuprofen) that always quieted my pain. Now, I cannot and will not take pain meds unless it is absolutely necessary and even then I’ll question whether I should or should not. It is now imperative I listen to my body, watch what I eat, ensure I drink plenty of water and in this way I can pretty much maintain a drama free — or close to drama free — existence.

There is a little saying I live by and it is “what you don’t understand you fear and what you fear you attack.” With lupus, stress is the enemy. I now must do all I can to eliminate or manage the amount of stress in my life and to do that, practicing calm is important.

For instance, pre-lupus, if I felt put upon or was given a job I really did not want to do, I would immediately go into ruckem suckem, frickem frackem mode. Now, post-lupus, I have to watch that little destructive mode because invariably it will lead to a flare. Instead, I do what the kids call “flipping the script” and if I feel in any way that I am being put upon, I will just say NO. Yes, I have learned to say no and I love it.  The word is necessary for my survival. If I am assigned a task I really don’t want to do but need to do, I have learned to change my mind and become more proactive. Instead of ruckem suckem, frickem frackem, I now approach the job from a different perspective by looking for productive ways to accomplish the task. Not only has this thinking reduced my stress level, it has made me a better employee.

Now, how does this relate to earthquakes. Well, you see it’s like this, within a few months after arriving in Los Angeles I experienced my first earthquake. I believe it was the Sierra Madre quake I experienced while preparing for work one morning. I will tell you it was the most interesting experience of my life. At first, it was pretty funny. The Landers/Big Bear quake a few years later was less funny. The Northridge earthquake in 1994 was terrifying and since then every little shake has caused me to cling to the ceiling.

Strangely enough, in the past few weeks I have been feeling a little edgy and, long story short, I realize it may be due in part to the recent earthquakes around the world. Logically, I know if there is a big bang there and a big bang way over there, eventually there will be a big bang here. Being realistic, I do live in what is known as the Ring of Fire.

Instead of allowing myself to sink into a pit of stress because I feel something but I really don’t want to deal with it, I have decided to learn everything I can about earthquakes — keeping me out of the realm of fear — and go with my instincts in spite of the shock I may experience when I find myself doing something odd like checking for my keys every night.

Okay, let’s get to the nitty gritty of fear. Monday night/Tuesday morning I felt something was about to happen because — again going back to instinct — I checked for my keys, moved a coffee pot back from the edge of the counter and I was obsessed with the USGS earthquake map. Thankfully, when the 4.4 earthquake hit in Pico Rivera, I felt the shake and almost wanted to return to sleep. This was a good sign because in the past I would have been glued to the ceiling.

I got up and walked through the house and found my big ‘ol dogs were asleep in REM land. I was glad I moved the coffee pot because it had moved slightly on the counter. It would not have been cute if that thing had fallen on my deaf dog who was sleeping beneath it.

SoCal's Big Squeeze

I grabbed my laptop to check on the magnitude and location of the earthquake and found it was in Los Angeles, on the Whittier fault. That has since changed to what is known as the Puente Hills fault — the fault that was all the rage a few years ago as being potentially dangerous and damaging to downtown Los Angeles and surrounding areas should it erupt. I could feel the fear come over me when I read it was actually the Puente Hills fault and my fears increased more and more each day upon seeing no aftershocks. We still have not had an aftershock since the initial quake.

Noticing my stress and fear levels had elevated, I realized I had to research the thing, look at it and dispense with my fears. If the big one hits, there is nothing I can do about it. Too, instead of avoiding reality, I decided to follow my instincts in spite of the shock it caused me.

First, I felt a need to buy lots-o-batteries. Second, I felt the need to check my prescriptions. Shocking, I now have a month’s supply of oral Cytoxan, just in case. If the “big one” doesn’t happen anytime soon — and I hope it does not — I will have my kitchen cabinets fitted with earthquake locks this weekend. I now have lots-o-water and dog food too. Admittedly, some of this — particularly the Cytoxan — was acquired prior to Tuesday’s quake. Now I have everything I need to get me through one month.

Though it was a little shocking to find myself doing these things, I will admit I feel good knowing I was proactive. I might not want to deal with the aftermath of a devastating earthquake but it is better to be proactive than reactionary. The stress of reacting to an earthquake could thrust me — no pun — into a downhill spiral.

Facing my fears has become my new motto. Instead of running away, I am learning to face them head on. I don’t know if we will experience a major earthquake, I cannot predict them, but something within felt I should be prepared. Instead of ignoring these warnings, I chose to listen and heed spirit’s urgings. It made me feel uncomfortable and a bit nervous but it is better to keep my vision and not stick my head in the sand.

Personally, if an earthquake should happen, I would rather be in a position of saying “I’m glad I listened to my gut” instead of saying “something told me I should have done that.” Oh the many times I’ve found myself behind that 8-ball.

Now, will we have a major earthquake? Heck if I know. I do know I’m still a little uncomfortable with Tuesday’s event because we have not had an aftershock. Other quakes, shallower than that one, have had lots of aftershocks. This has done nothing since. Too, since it is now reported to have happened on the Puente Hills fault, it does concern me.

It is not comforting to know I live in the Ring of Fire but it is still better than shoveling a heap load of snow from your roof in the cold of winter, shoveling heaps of snow from your sidewalk, or trying to get to work in biting cold.  California is in the big squeeze which means eventually we will have a major earthquake.  Researching this has helped me deal with the inevitable.  Sticking my head in the sand would have been costly to my health.

To add insult to injury, I feel like I’m catching a cold which means even if I thought I could get away with a day trip to Vegas Saturday morning, I cannot because something is going on within that could land me in a hospital — worse case — or flat on my back for days. I want neither so I’m staying put, at home, just me and tha dawgs.

NexStar 4SE

I really wanted to go this year because I’m in the market for a new telescope, preferably a Celestron NexStar SE something or one from the Series GT group. My life has now gotten to a point where I really cannot do the hiking I was once able to do. Flares happen, I’ve gotten over it now, and I have to consider what I can photograph that is closer to home or can be done from my backyard.

I have two interests and this is why I really wanted to go to CES this year. One is astronomy, photographing the stars and I don’t mean the sort from Hollyweird. I would also like to capture the beautiful Hummingbirds in my back yard without getting so up close and personal with them they end up sitting and looking at me as if to ask “what the hell are you doing?”

I like the Celestron telescopes because they offer a lot of bells and whistles like a digital camera mount for afocal photography. I can see using this for a couple of video cameras I have and my Canon PowerShot. They also have T-Rings for 35mm cameras. Then there is the phenomenal CCD webcam hardware/software too. Granted, Nextimage is not as good as Orion’s imagers, particularly the StarShoot Deep Space Monochrome Imager III, but for the price it will do the trick. I like that, make it easy for me.

My second interest goes back to my days in high school biology. I will never forget an assignment given for us to go out and pick up samples in or around the school. We were first told to seek out paramecium and amoebas. Life changed for me when those guys popped up under the microscope. Unfortunately, I had no way to photograph them or their movements. Well, perhaps that’s what I’ll do now. Plus, I have always wanted to see a potato bug up close and personal.

LCD Deluxe Digital Microscope

I know, the potato bug probably threw some people off but I do like their big bald heads. Of course, Celestron has LCD Digital Microscopes that are small and can be easily taken anywhere. I could go for their LCD Microscope (and this one) or I can buy my own high-powered microscope and add their LCD display.

Oh well, no CES 2010 for me this weekend. I will bide my time tomorrow waiting impatiently for an IV to drop. There will be no jetting off to Las Vegas at all this weekend. (Drops head) But, I will closely watch CelestronDotCom’s YouTube Channel in hopes of finding some bits of information from their exhibit, I hope.

Oh well, if you are going to CES 2010, Celestron is in booth Central 7912.    For more on Celestron and their products, go to www.celestron.com.  Now, for some pretty nice software for astronomy that’s FREE, check out RegiStax at http://www.astronomie.be/registax/.

As for me, this weekend I’ll be sucking IVs, D3 and C.  Ugh!