Sammy Sosa, before and after

I don’t have a problem with people going through the expense and sometimes painful procedures to change themselves in order to feel better about themselves. Women in particular are good for nose jobs, cheek and/or lip implants, breast reduction or enlargement procedures and more. Women will perm their hair if they feel it is too curly or nappy. Some are addicted to acrylic nails. Women often alter their appearances with makeup, hair products, hair dyes, etc. and as far back as I can remember, Ambi, a skin lightening cream marketed primarily to Black women, was once a stable found in many medicine cabinets.

My experience with Ambi was frightening. I used to have bad acne and used Ambi hoping to “even out” my skin tone as was advertised on the box. What happened was quite the opposite. On those areas where I applied the Ambi, my skin turned a light pasty color which caused me to apply the product to my whole face which created a worse situation, my face was lighter than my neck. I gave up using the product because it did not “even out” my skin tone as advertised, quite the contrary, it made a horrible mess.

In recent years, men have started applying makeup, are using Botox, are undergoing cosmetic surgery and I figured skin lightening would soon follow and now it has. I do not know what product Sammy Sosa is using but the pasty light complexion screams some sort of skin lightening cream. In some of the photos I have seen of him, not only does he look pasty, he appears to be wearing the wrong makeup as well. Instead of looking natural, he looks peculiar and I believe this is what many see when they look at photos of Sosa. He is not only a lighter shade of brown, he also appears ghostly.

I know it’s shocking — a man or woman changing their skin color to appear lighter — and after reading the story about Sammy Sosa on Essence.com (here) and the NPR story on men in India (here), skin lightening has been going on for ages and people of all nationalities have done it. White men and women back in the old, old days used to wear a pasty white makeup so they would appear whiter than white. Many Whites today spend hours in tanning beds or in the sun just to brown their skin.

I will no more attack Sammy Sosa for running from his blackness than I will attack any White person for running from their whiteness. The truth is many people are not happy with what they were born with. Men will purchase hair pieces, hair plugs or products guaranteed to grow their hair. Men are now using dyes to color over their gray hair and why not? Today, if you don’t like your nose, change it. If you don’t like your hips, change them. If you don’t like the wrinkles in your forehead, Botox it. If you don’t like your sex, change it. If you have the money you can either buy the products or have the surgery.

So, Sammy Sosa decided at this stage of his life he is a lighter Afro-Latino in a darker Afro-Latino’s body and as such, he’s changing things. Good for you Sammy if it makes you happy.

As for me, I’ve worn hair extensions, wigs, makeup, used a little Ambi with horrible results, wore push-up bras, shoulder pads, girdles, name it, I’ve done it and many of us have too. Many are running away from something. They were not well endowed, they have nappy hair, their nose is too full, their lips too thin, their tummy too big, their face too wrinkly, or perhaps it’s age.

Quite frankly, the world in which we live has lead us to believe that White women with straight hair, full lips, a little tanned, no wrinkles, with perky breasts and rump are sexy. White men must be tall, a head full of straight hair (no balding), some lines on the face but not excessive are sexy. Certainly, no one can be considered sexy with a tire around their waistline. As for other nationalities, the rotten truth is too dark will get you no where. Quite sad, yes? I agree but until we change our perception of beauty by changing the images seen in advertisements, in films, on television and in our magazines, the above will remain the status quo.

Fraser Robinson III and his wife, Marian, with their children, Craig and Michelle, now the first lady. Credit: New York Times

No, I’m not talking about hair but, since I am on the subject I must apologize to some of my White female friends, one of whom sent me an email saying “please don’t send them over here. I don’t want them swinging from my hair.” I hear you girl and most assuredly I laughed aloud when I saw her email. Neither do I and this goes back to an entry I posted here about the film “Good Hair.”

Moving on, I’m a little late to the game but I found The New York Times article about Michelle Obama’s family tree very interesting. Interesting from the standpoint so much was uncovered from her mother’s side of the family while I’m still hammering around trying to find more information about my family tree. Basically, I’m stuck in a rut.

To be honest, I may be stuck in a rut because the further back I go, particularly on my mother’s side, the more I find family members listed as “mulatto” which tells me some young girls on that side of my family were raped during slavery. I have a serious problem with young girls being raped by older men. It is such a horrible violation and it saddens me to no end. I believe this is why I am always hurt when I hear or read stories like what happened to Jaycee Dugard, Elizabeth Smart and of course, Roman PoNasty.  These young girls endured a form of slavery — imprisoned against their will — at the hands of older men. It’s horrible.

The same is true of my ancestors and the same is true of Michelle Obama’s ancestors. In fact, if you are African-American or have ancestors who passed as white but had that one drop of black blood as noted in the article “The Autobiography of an Ex-White Woman: Bliss Broyard’s One Drop”, you know a young girl was raped during slavery.

Unlike Michelle Obama, I don’t have to recant my statement when I say I am finally proud to be an American. At least our president, a biracial man, was born in a marriage and not the product of a rape. Though a number of women may claim their marriages make them feel as if they are living in slavery, Barack Obama’s mother was not enslaved and she was not 13 or pre-teen at the time of his birth.

For African-Americans, making that statement does not mean we hate America or American citizens. For me it means my history is fraught with uncivil rights — the perceived rights of uncivil men who believed they could do anything with another human being which includes the rape of children male and female — yes, I’ve heard those stories too. This has created much heartache and confusion particularly when I go back to what “Good Hair” used to mean — an African-American with hair that is anything but nappy at the roots.

The first paragraph of The New York Times article stopped me. I could not continue reading the article and had to bookmark it to read at another time when I felt myself emotionally able to handle it. The article starts:

In 1850, the elderly master of a South Carolina estate took pen in hand and painstakingly divided up his possessions. Among the spinning wheels, scythes, tablecloths and cattle that he bequeathed to his far-flung heirs was a 6-year-old slave girl valued soon afterward at $475.

In his will, she is described simply as the “negro girl Melvinia.” After his death, she was torn away from the people and places she knew and shipped to Georgia. While she was still a teenager, a white man would father her first-born son under circumstances lost in the passage of time.

That did it for me. A 6-year-old slave girl valued soon afterward at $475. While she was still a teenager, a white man would father her first-born son under circumstances lost in the passage of time. Proud? No.

It is a wonder to me this country is not more violent considering its very violent past. Last night I watched a young Black boy stand against a young Hispanic boy. He was in fight mode, body tense, fist closed tightly, and his words were so mean and hostile. While watching him, trying my best to send peaceful energy his way I thought, the seed of the father has been visited upon the son. From a violent past comes the violent present and future. This neither excuses the young man’s behavior last night, nor does it excuse the behavior of slaveholders years ago but it was an interesting thought for me nonetheless. From the aforementioned article:

While President Obama’s biracial background has drawn considerable attention, his wife’s pedigree, which includes American Indian strands, highlights the complicated history of racial intermingling, sometimes born of violence or coercion, that lingers in the bloodlines of many African-Americans. Mrs. Obama and her family declined to comment for this article, aides said, in part because of the personal nature of the subject.

Three of Melvinia’s four children were listed on the census as mulatto, one was born after the end of slavery. Who fathered the one child not listed as mulatto? Again, man’s inhumanity to man, it is quite possible she had a husband, perhaps, but as a slave marriage was not recognized. The cruelty of slavery is such that it is also quite possible she was mated with a black man to produce a healthy offspring for the master’s pleasure.

Michelle Obama’s roots is not only an interesting story about her Great-Great-Grandfather, it is also a sad story about her Great-Great-Great-Grandmother. The next time you come upon a Black woman and say to yourself “she looks so mean” — a statement often made of Michelle Obama during the campaign — realize she is not, actually she is very nice. Unfortunately, that Black woman carries the face of her ancestors, she never wants to be touched like that again.

The Continent of Africa

There is so much I can say about the article I just read on CNN entitled “Continental divide separates Africans, African-Americans.”  The article called to mind so many conversations I have had with friends who were not born and raised in the U.S. but are of African origin.  Some come from the continent — not country — of Africa.

Having friends from all over the world has been beneficial for me because I have had to open my mind, listen and learn.  One friend of mine from Brazil often says if Americans want to know how much of an asshole they are, go to another country, hang with the native people and listen to how they talk about Americans.  Apparently we like to litter the streets with our garbage, complain about rooms being too small, complain with hotel staff about getting what we want when we want it, we tend to treat people as if we are the best thing since sliced bread, and so much more.  Her thought of Americans is we have a condition called “delusionitis”.  I personally don’t think it’s an inflammatory disease, it’s more a condition of delusional thinking and as such I call it “delusionosis.”

Oh and I can’t begin to address another friend’s concerns about what he faced here in the good old United States when he was confronted with ignorance from both Blacks and Whites in this country.  As an Egyptian man, in job interviews, this poor fellow was constantly bombarded with questions about his nationality.  “Are you Black” was a question posed to him by one White interviewer here in Los Angeles.  He has straight hair but his skin color is black, like Anwar Sadat, and yes, he’s Egyptian.  People could not get past his skin color, straight hair and accent and one person actually asked to see a photo of his mother and father.  Excuse me!

Crazier still were the numbers of folks, both Black and White, who argued with him about geography.  Well educated folks insisted Egypt is not in Africa.  Excuse me!!!  I guess folks believe Africa is a country where all the Black folks are and the top portion of the continent is cut off.  Unfortunately, just this past weekend, I heard one Black news anchor actually say Barack Obama’s recent visit to Africa was the first since becoming President.  I wanted to reach through the television set and smack this poor soul.  The statement was false.  Barack Obama, earlier this year, spoke in Cairo.  Where is Cairo?  It is in Egypt and where is Egypt?  It is in Africa.  Oh My God!!

When I read the aforementioned article on CNN, I remembered a very long conversation I had with a Nigerian man while in college.  He and I sat, suspended in conversation, for hours as we discussed Black folks in America.  He could not understand our slave mentality, how we don’t support our own newspapers and magazines, our fascination with materialism, and how we are quick to put down those who excel.

A few months ago I talked with a young African man who told me he felt compelled to don the clothing of the street thugs — baggy pants, oversized shirts, etc. — because he was tired of being picked on everyday.  That’s a shame.  He actually felt if he dressed any other way he would become a target for violence.  Unfortunately, he is absolutely right.  Put on a nice polo shirt and slacks and yeah, you’ll become an easy target.  Take a kid away from the pack and they’ll tell you this.  Watch them as they get closer to home and watch the pants come up and the belts tighten.

In light of the above, the following is what Chinedu Ezeamuzie, 21, of Athens, Georgia, experienced when he arrived in the U.S. in 2003 from Jabriya, Kuwait to pursue his education here.

In Athens, Ezeamuzie found his ideals at odds with those who shared his skin color at Clarke Central High School, his first stint in a public school.

On his first day, he donned khakis, a button-down dress shirt and nice leather shoes. He caught the African-Americans’ attention upon stepping into the cafeteria, he said.

“They give me the look,” he said. “Why is this guy dressed like the white folks, like the preppy guys?”

Ezeamuzie didn’t understand why so few black students were in his advanced-placement classes. He didn’t understand the de facto lunchroom segregation or the accusing glances he got for eating with white classmates. One classmate called him a traitor and asked, “Do you not like black people?”

* * *

He found clothes akin to what he saw many African-Americans wearing — baggy pants and an oversized T-shirt. He relaxed his British-trained tongue and tried out for the basketball team, the 6-foot-5 Ezeamuzie said.

Ezeamuzie recalled finding himself more confused by his experience with some African-Americans: Why were they so cliquish? Why did they mock students for being intelligent? Why were they homophobic and bent on using the n-word? Why did every conversation seem to involve drugs, girls or materialism?

“They kind of accepted me. They saw me a little differently, but I was thinking this is a very narrow mindset,” Ezeamuzie said.

Look at what he had to do, change his clothes and “relaxed his British-trained tongue.”  I’m guessing we are raising our children at the Willie Lynch School of Divide and Conquer because we’ve learned the lessons well.

The article goes on to say Ezeamuzie and other Africans feel African-Americans dwell too heavily on “slavery and the racism that has persisted for more than a century since the Emancipation Proclamation.” Thank you, that is soooo true.  “We have all been tortured,” said one iReporter, Vera Ezimora, 24, a Nigerian student living in Baltimore.  “Now that we are free, holding on to the sins of white men who have long died and gone to meet their maker is more torture than anything we have suffered.”

Oh Lord, don’t get me started.  The article first addressed the erroneous and stereotypical images Americans generally,  and African Americans specifically, believe of Africans.  The whole “living in the jungle naked” stereotype or hunt game with spears or live in trees.  Conversely, in Africa, African Americans are seen as criminals, thugs, or overall violent people.

Sandi Litia, 19, a Piney Woods graduate from Limulunga, Zambia, said she was initially scared of African-Americans because the African media show them “wearing clothes like gangsters and killing each other.”

Nkosi concurred that African media “made it seem as if they were these aggressive people that did nothing constructive with their lives except occupy prison space.

This is a very good article, one that certainly stirred my juices.  I just wish I had time to discuss this in greater detail and perhaps one day I will — provided I have the time and energy — to interview some of my friends, allowing them the opportunity to tell their own story.

Returning to Cloud’s article in Time entitled “How Stereotypes Defeat the Stereotyped“, Cloud discusses an experiment conducted by research psychologists at North Carolina State University in Raleigh.  The research team recruited 103 volunteers ages 60 to 82 “to perform simple arithmetic and recall tests. To conduct the experiment, the psychologists manipulated about half of the participants into feeling stereotype threat by telling them that the entire purpose of the tests was ‘to examine aging effects on memory.’”  The latter statement “to examine aging effects on memory” was designed to “prime the participants’ worry that their advanced age would affect their performance.”  The researchers also asked the participants to write down their age before beginning the tests.  That was one group.

The other group of participants were told the tests were constructed to “correct for any biases that might be associated with age.”  This too was a statement made to damp down stereotype threat and these participants were not asked to write down their age.

Of course, participants in the first group performed significantly worse on the memory tests than those who did not receive the “triggers”.  It was also found that those “between the ages of 60 and 70 were far more susceptible to stereotype threat than those aged 71 to 82.”

This takes me back to Jane Elliott’s exercise entitled “Blue Eyes/Brown Eyes“.   Her exercise labeled participants as inferior or superior based solely upon the color of their eyes and exposed them to the experience of being a minority.  Once the labels were given, participants either felt superior or inferior to their peers based on eye color.  Some even became hostile or combative.  In children, fights broke out during recess with a good deal of bullying and name calling.

Stereotypes are truly interesting because they can often determine how people perform in life.  For instance, I had a conversation not long ago with a man who was born and raised in Hawaii.  He said President Obama was not raised like black folks here, meaning here on the mainland.  He said in Hawaii “we didn’t care about race.”  The not caring about race had a lot to do with most of the people in Hawaii were from somewhere else anyway.  I am of the belief Barack Obama’s success is due in large part to not receiving the “white folks” seed or, put another way, he was raised by “white folks” which means he did not hear the words “white folks will never let you have anything,” or “white folks will always have their foot on a black man’s neck,” and so on and so forth.  He did not get that at home.  It’s kind of hard to tell a child you can be anything you want in one breath while telling them “white folks won’t let you. . .” [fill in the blank] in the next breath.

Hearing those or similar words were not uncommon in many black families.  I heard them.  I’ve heard the stories of cutting down family members from trees after a “good ole boy lynch party.”  Those stories were passed down from generation to generation and there was no escaping them and if you didn’t want to hear it you were labeled delusional, not realistic, etc.  Please don’t talk about how times have changed because you will be made to feel as if you brought down the wrath of God.  “What’s wrong with you girl, you been drinking the white folks water?  Ain’t nothing changed.”  Yep, heard that very statement about two years ago and as a result of that and similar statements, “white folks” have been stereotyped as demons by those whose anger has been passed down from generation to generation.

I could go into a further perpetuation of black stereotypes within the black community, particularly when I hear black folks state — in front of their children — “I don’t hire black folks to do anything for me.”  Oh my God.  They won’t shop at black stores, businesses, or hire black contractors.  The stereotype here is that somehow black folks do shotty work, are lazy, or sell substandard products.  You really cannot have a productive thought about growing up and becoming an entrepreneur when you have heard, time and time again, you will not be supported by folks in your own community.  Of course, when met with competition in your professional life, you could easily fall back on what you heard as a child and believe your progress is being impeded due to racism.  It may.  It may not.

When I was first diagnosed with lupus, I was put on medication, namely prednisone, which caused me to gain a good deal of weight.  Being a bit stupid, I still saw myself as the athletic person I had always been.  In my mind I was still about 160 though, in truth, I was miles away from that weight.  It did not sink in until the prednisone was reduced that people really treated me different because of the weight gain.  Men allowed doors to close in my face, folks did not hold the elevator for me, and some folks I knew did not want to be seen publicly with me.  When the prednisone was reduced and I started losing weight, men held doors for me, allowed me off the elevator before them, and those who wouldn’t speak prior were now speaking to me publicly.  The stereotype or label given me then, unbeknownst to me, was fat.  No one knew or understood my disease, the medication, etc. and therefore assumed I was letting myself go and eating myself into a tizzy.  I was not and no one asked.

Returning to the Time article, I get it.  When I allowed my hair to go gray, I got no respect from young folks and it did make me very angry.  My mother experiences this quite a bit and it often makes her very angry.  After dying my hair and returning to the same establishments, miraculously I received better treatment than I did when my hair was gray.  Apparently, some folks see older people as something undesirable.  When my mother and I are together — particularly when my hair is dyed — people tend to address me when my mother asked the question.  Somehow these folks believe the older woman is somehow stupid and lacks comprehension because she’s older.

How do we overcome stereotypes and will we ever overcome them?  At some point in our lives we will face them.  Whether you’re black, white, whatever color or nationality, you will face them.  You will face it whether you are young or old — yes, there are some young people stereotypes out there too and it makes young folks very angry.  And if you have not faced them as a result of color, body size, sexual preference, etc., if you live long enough you will experience stereotypes based on age.  You can ignore them, pretend they don’t exist, fight against them, etc., but they will persist because — and hold onto your hats — you helped to promote or perpetuate them at some point in your life.

Considering that I have lived though most of the above, I do fight against them.  When I hear folks make assumptions about people based on age, I challenge them, particularly those who love throwing around the word “senile.”  I ask them how they know this.  Holding people accountable often causes folks to back down, at least around me. When folks make assumptions about someones weight with comments like “she doesn’t need to order any more food” I again challenge asking how they know she’s (or he) is the size she is because of food when it could be medical.  You see, prednisone stirs up your appetite too.  Again, I hold people accountable for their statements.  Either give me true knowledge or shut up with your assumptions.

When it comes to my folk I’m probably a little more ruthless because self-perpetuated slave mentalities are something I have little use for and I don’t suffer them well.  That said, when I hear someone tell me “I don’t hire black folks to do nothing for me”, particularly when their son or daughter is standing nearby, I will turn to their child and ask do you want to be an entrepreneur or business owner when you grow up?  That usually changes the direction of the conversation.

Holding people accountable — yourself included — might be unrealistic for some because they have weak guts, no balls or lack short-hairs of steel.  Those with weak guts, etc., will laugh, agree, and will allow it to continue.  However, for those who do not have weak guts please stand up, be counted, hold people accountable for their actions, words and deeds.  The life you save could be your mother, sister, daughter, son, father, and to take it further, a whole generation yet to come.