FemmeNoir
A Web Portal For Lesbians Of Color

Love Is In The Air

by Angela R. Harvey

I can remember falling in love. After I had finally came to terms with my sexuality I was so excited about the possibility of being loved by and loving another woman. I can recall bragging to my straight girlfriends that I would be embarking on a truly equal relationship where I would have total understanding, unconditional love, respect, trust, and the ultimate in open and honest communication. After all, one of the greatest perks of being in a same sex relationship is that there is an unspoken sameness that is shared and embraced.  NOT!

After being mystified at the reality that my lesbian relationship was not only short of my expectations, but it appeared that it was more difficult to relate to another woman than I ever thought. I didn’t know what the problem was. I had gotten along with my mother, my sister and I could tell my aunt anything. I quickly realized what most of us come to know and that is our relationships are not easier, they are in fact a little more difficult with some very unique challenges. I’ve not been in a single relationship where I didn’t have to define and explain myself as woman, a lesbian, a professional, a parent and an individual. By the way, all of these things I thought I had in common with my partner.

I guess I went wrong with having expectations, supersized, with large assumptions. The uniqueness of a homosexual relationship coupled with the fact that none of us received adequate if any lessons about intimate love makes challenges unavoidable in our relationships. Relationships are one of my areas of expertise and as a Personal Growth Advisor, I’ve conducted workshops around the country speaking to and motivating individuals especially in our community about the importance of honest communication and how essential that is to a successful relationship. Communication is the key to understanding and embracing our uniqueness as individuals and as a couple and making that uniqueness work for us and not against us. Being in a same sex relationship poses many more issues, as many of us are still unsure about whom we are, what we want and why we exist.

My conclusion: this relationship thing is work. I’m often heard saying, “You don’t go from work to home but from work to work and if you are not working as hard at home as you do at work it isn’t going to work”. We have probably all since come to know that although we are in same sex relationships there can be no assumptions made about the sex, money, family, long term goals, honesty, communication, children, work, intimacy, quality time, personal growth, and outness. The chances are slim to none that just because you are two women or two men in one relationship that you will think, feel or behave the same. Not all women are affectionate, not all men are unemotional, not all women want children, not all men are dishonest, everyone isn’t gay and proud, and not everyone is able to effectively communicate their feelings.

Although our relationships poses some challenges I firmly believe that we are capable of creating some of the most loving and nurturing relationships known to woman and mankind due to the fact that we are the same sex. I am no longer mystified but instead, empowered by the strength and courage that we must possess to be who we are. I am encouraged by the oneness we are capable of displaying as a community to promote equality. And I’m further enhanced by the knowledge that what makes us different is also what makes us special and that makes us strong. I am now open, very open to the love that is in the air.

 

About Angela Harvey

Angela Harvey is the founder of Let's T.A.L.K. (Together Acquire Lasting Knowledge). You can find out more about her and the services she offers by visiting www.lets-talk.net.